Champs and chumps

The HG Flex League wrapped up Tuesday morning with the men’s 3.5 final, and a few hours later the awards were handed out amid the fun and frivolity at the TAC.

And by fun, we mean John Slatniske and Herb Gabora shared a chest bump that was….well….unsettling. And no, we do not understand why Slatniske’s lips are puckered if it was chests they were supposed to be bumping.

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Uhhhhhh….

But all was not lost. Here’s some of the highlights:

  • Scott Jankes won the 3.0 championship, beat J.R. Daws in the final, with wife Jennifer accepting his certificate because he was off squeezing a serving lesson in between two MP Tennis matches before heading to south Tampa for an Ultimate Tennis match and returning home to practice hitting forehands off his garage.
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  • John Slatniske won the 3.5 championship, beating John Cotey Tuesday morning. The match was so exciting that Lara Slatniske, perhaps the most bored human being on the planet as she recovers from surgery and has nothing to do all day, actually left after watching three games. It was that thrilling.
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  • These guys were runners up. But they still have parking spots, so SUCK ON THAT PEOPLE!
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  • Marisa Martin won the women’s 3.0 championship, thrashing the competition all season. Word has it she was trying out for the 4.5 team at Brandon and was unavailable to attend the ceremony. However, runner-up Mary Dunlap, who done lapped the other 3.0s (see what I did there?), was there to accept her award.
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  • Oh wait, I’m sorry. Wrong picture.
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  • Let’s give it up for the great Herbie Gabora, who took home an award for Best Looking Tennis Player Wearing A Red Shirt And Named Herb. Herb went 3-0 in the consolation bracket, toppling Peter Groer 6-4, 6-4 in a match that took 11 hours. Kara Hann won an award for Player Who’s Next Opponent Was So Scared To Play Her She Fled To Spain, and, well, because she limped in on crutches and everyone felt really bad for her.

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Later in the evening, Haven Daws decided she wanted a new shirt as well, and pretended to be injured. Her attempt to ellicit sympathy and receive an award failed.
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  • The night was marred by an incident that left many in attendance stunned and shaken. Brooks Hann, known by those who love him as Brooks Hanndful, was visibly upset about the roast beef sandwich special and the lack of macaroni and cheese on the menu and vandalized the board leading into the TAC. Security was able to tackle Brooks and take him to the ground before any further damage, though as he was carried from the premised he vowed to return and “do a doody in one of your tennis bags” when we least expect it.
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    Is this boy innocent?

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    Or is he guilty? You be the judge.

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About johncotey

John was a sportswriter and columnist for the St. Petersburg/Tampa Bay Times for 25 years, before being pushed from the Titantic, and hopes all of you non-subscribers are happy reading your free news on the internets while his journalism brethren suffer. Not that he's not bitter or anything. His real true joys, however, are his wife, kids and tennis, though not necessarily in that order. Unless his wife is reading this. Then DEFINITELY in that order.
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3 Responses to Champs and chumps

  1. Andy Ritter says:

    Classic Cotey. Alarmed to hear about the upsets at the mens 3.0 and 3.5 level. Wonder if we should petition for parking space sharing… Although some would say the gentlemanly thing to do would be to act before the petition… Just saying’.

    Like

    • johncotey says:

      It would have been cruel for me and J.R. to win everything, so perhaps we conspired to spread the wealth. Now, we have four people happy instead of just two. All part of the greater plan! (Or, we just lost….but definitely one of the two).

      Like

  2. xuantastic says:

    How do I “like” your About Me summary? ❤

    Like

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