Daddy’s home?

spank1Coming off the Green Machine’s first loss of the season last week, captain John Cotey decided it was time to return to the 6.5 team after a few weeks of playing 7.5 to straighten out the kids.

“Daddy’s home,” exclaimed Cotey, who then proceeded to team up with James Hann for a victory at line 1, and combined with a win at line 2 by Patrick Rairigh and Jimmy Dice, gave the Green Machine a 2-1 victory over Tampa Palms.

The Green Machine, already heading back to sectionals,  is now 5-1. Due to his duties on the 7.5 team, Cotey has been employing a revolving door of weekly captains and has confessed to being negligent. And despite fine efforts by Hann and Andy Ritter, who showed some of the same leadership skills that has made Cotey a 7-time USTA Captain of the Year In His Own Mind, the team has had a bumpy road recently.

“You know how sometimes you let your kids stay up a little later than usual, and then find them still on their iPads at 3 a.m.? Or when you go away for a week and they throw a party and all their friends urinate in the pool? Or when they ask to borrow $5 and you say ‘go grab it out of my top drawer in the side table next to my bed’ and they take $10 and your crack pipe? It was like that. I didn’t want it to come to spankings,” Cotey said.


Cotey and Hann won 6-3, 6-1 after falling behind 3-1, and lovable lefties Rairigh and Dice were 6-4, 6-1 winners.

Cotey declined to reveal the line 3 score, brushing off reporters as he left Tampa Palms.

“Well, we didn’t have a third line, because someone put someone in the lineup who said they couldn’t play this weekend,” said Green Machine vet Bob Schmidt. “I mean, it was the second straight week someone did that, probably because someone is preoccupied with another team. I don’t want to mention any names, because of all that crap someone just spewed about being Daddy and riding in to the rescue and that stuff. Plus, I don’t want Daddy to spank me.”


The Green Machine wraps up the 6.5 regular season next week at Hunter’s Green. There is a rumor that Andy Ritter, who started a tradition last year of bringing a cooler full of beer to the season finale so he and his teammates could sit around and enjoy some frosty beverages after the match, will be attendance and could even be continuing the tradition.

“Maybe,” he said. “If my trip to the Swiss Alps, where I’m supposed to compete in a  snowmobiling race against Hooter’s girls while smoking a Cuban cigar as Adele wraps her arms around me and sings her latest album into my ear falls through, then sure, I’ll be at Hunter’s Green. Unless something better comes along.”

1. Hann and Cotey, who were 2-1 at sectionals last year, played their first regular season 6.5 match together ever.

2. Hann and Cotey haven’t played since a third-set collapse (not sure you have heard about it) in a 18-over 3.5 loss Jan. 31 at Fishhawk Ranch
, a span of 263 days.

3. Jim Dicesaro, a USTA rookie, is now 4-0 this season, and has played with four different partners.

4. Rairigh is now 5-0 the past two regular seasons of 6.5 tennis.

5. John Slatniske won his 7.5 match (playing with Greg Morrisey) Saturday, the first 7.5 win of his career.

6. Shaun Cooley improved to 5-0 on the combo season with another win at 7.5.


About johncotey

John was a sportswriter and columnist for the St. Petersburg/Tampa Bay Times for 25 years, before being pushed from the Titantic, and hopes all of you non-subscribers are happy reading your free news on the internets while his journalism brethren suffer. Not that he's not bitter or anything. His real true joys, however, are his wife, kids and tennis, though not necessarily in that order. Unless his wife is reading this. Then DEFINITELY in that order.
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One Response to Daddy’s home?

  1. Robert Schmidt says:

    Jan 15th thru 17th Altamonte Springs 7.5 Sectionals

    Jan 22nd thru 24th Daytona 6.5 Sectionals


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