Can anyone stop the Bombers?

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The Bay Area Bombers, led by the guy we lovingly call Big Bear,
Is dominating Team Tennis, prompting cries of “Not Fair!”

In between bites of yummy meatballs and chips and dips galore,
The Bombers rolled up a win by an impressive 6-0 score.

The poor Gummy Bears were helpless in dropping each line,
Its players more concerned with drinking glasses and glasses of wine.

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For the first win, Bitting and Ritter took it right to Georges and Fred,
And Erik and Mardo then turned out the lights and put Troy and Peter to bed.

Janice and Lisa had a tough one, beating Joy and Amy 5 to 4,
Then Lara jumped in for Janice; after 5-1, Joy and Amy screamed “no more!”

Patrick Rairigh went medieval, and screamed “Thou Shall Not Defeat Thee!
For my backhand is too strong, and I have these new knees!”

But alas, his words were spoiled, turning sour like summer cherries,
As Mardo and Janice hung a 5-2 defeat on the Rairighs.

To avoid the bagel, the Gummy Bears turned to their captain,
And there was hope on court 10; you could feel something happening.

Both teams gathered on the sideline, the lights, they began to flitter;
Hunter knew this was his chance, I mean shit, he was playing Ritter.

But Ritter, that cigar-smoking, beer-chugging, wine-sipping lout,
Suddenly stopped, to everyone’s amazement, hitting every ball out.

He hit a forehand that landed in, oh my, and a backhand as well?
Despite Joy’s best efforts, Hunter’s game soon went to hell.

And so the Gummy Bears’ night ended, the Bombers reiging supreme
No need to embarass them with the score….aww, what the hell, 30-16.

In the other night’s match, there was much tennis played,
But the question all night was WHAT THE HELL IS SANTIAGO WEARING?

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I know, that doesn’t even rhyme, but those pants, what were they?
Did they shrink in the dryer? Did he think think they would slay?

Were they high waters, or capri, or merely shorts hanging low?
Were they Jenna’s? Or his mom’s? Or from some female impersonater show?

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Tennis, anyone?

If he hadn’t violently pushed Jenna off the court to hit her ball,
Maybe we wouldn’t have noticed those silly pants at all.

Now, to his credit, his play on the court certainly didn’t stink,
And he led his team to a 26-21 win over the favored Smash, Inc.

He teamed up with Drew, and gave Larry and Greg a 5-1 waxing,
And most of their four wins, well, damn, they hardly even looked taxing

A shame for the Smash, that things became so darn icky,
After Daniela and Trina opened the night beating Wendy and Nikki.

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Nikki: “Dammit, I just lost.” Santiago: “Me too. The second I put these capri pants on.”

Nikki didn’t like it, look at the picture, I mean how sore was she?
She was even angrier after Cotey won, teaming up with Greg Morrissey.

But she and Drew teamed up and pulled off the shocker of the night,
Beating Palombo and Trina…Holy Cow! I mean….right?

Things were close and turned shady when Santiago pulled a move we called daring,
By yanking some young blonde from the crowd, with a nice lob…it was Sharon!

“I don’t care if she’s not on my roster, you have dishonored my pants,
For that she will play on my team, and ruin your victory chance!”

Sure enough it was Sharon and Jenna, the gal that Santiago earlier pushed,
Who delivered the fatal blow, and made Team Smash into Team Smooshed.

It was another great night of tennis, with lots of drinking and swearing,
And maybe one day we will know, exactly what Santiago was wearing.

STANDINGS    W-L      GW     GL
BOMBERS         2-0       56       32
SMASH, INC.   1-1        50       46

SERVE-EZAS   1-1        42       47
G-BEARS          0-2       36       59

This week, Feb. 3, 6 p.m.
Smash, Inc. vs. Bombers
Serve-ezas vs. G-Bears

Remember, this is the last week of regular season. Semifinals to follow Feb. 10 (No. 1 team vs. No. 4, No. 2 vs. No. 3) and then the championship on Feb. 17. Get with your captains, let them know if you are available.

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About johncotey

John was a sportswriter and columnist for the St. Petersburg/Tampa Bay Times for 25 years, before being pushed from the Titantic, and hopes all of you non-subscribers are happy reading your free news on the internets while his journalism brethren suffer. Not that he's not bitter or anything. His real true joys, however, are his wife, kids and tennis, though not necessarily in that order. Unless his wife is reading this. Then DEFINITELY in that order.
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2 Responses to Can anyone stop the Bombers?

  1. Andy Ritter says:

    As usual Cotey, your pros are just great,
    But I thought I would comment before its too late.
    For I need to point out what you failed to mention,
    Its a critical fact (what that your intention?).

    For Lara and I, yes we were teamed this first time,
    Turns out this combination is better than Corona and lime!
    She is steady as she goes and gets to hard shots,
    Much better than John, who was watching the tots.
    [Ed. note: I know – one wrong letter and that could have been trouble]

    Our opponents you see, are teamed often together,
    Why they are Ultimate Tennis Champs, who could be better?
    So as we lined up to play, the final match that cold winter night,
    Only my stern constitution, hid my initial fright.

    How could we beat them – they were the City Champs!,
    They moved with such grace, not like [jnsert name here] (who we call “gramps”).
    Then Lara hit a winner, then two and then three,
    And the Bombers started winning, how could it be?

    Thats when I got this feeling, as my passing shots passed,
    with Lara so steady, Steve and Joy began to look gassed.
    Each ball was struck with precision –> we were moving our feet,
    Was it really we who were the team that was impossible to beat?

    And so this story of this triumph may be told through the land,
    I thought it important to lend you a hand;
    Because in the face of competing against odds that are long,
    We showed perseverance and courage and came out strong.

    But this is just one of a number of matches that we won,
    Each match had their story, and son of a gun;
    The Bombers continue to beat other teams,
    Will things change this Friday (in your dreams!)?

    Like

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